Today is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life

This blog entry is for a friend of mine. She asked me to write it, assuming that some people might listen to my advice (that is a cool thought in and of itself!).

Her beloved brother died this week. As if that is not bad enough, he died without leaving a Will. Of course, he didn’t know that he was going to have a massive heart attack at such a young age and leave this world without a Last Will and Testament. Had he known that, he would have put something down on paper that expressed his wishes. Had he known that, he might have considered that not having a Will places an additional amount of stress and strain, and possible dissention, on a family that is already buckled by grief. Had he known that, he probably would have made sure that his loved ones knew his final wishes and how to honour them without question or compromise or painful conversations.

Because of who and what he was to his family, he would have taken care of all these details before he died. He was that kind of person.

So, as my friend beseeched me to stop smoking (lest I come to the same fate as her brother), she also asked that I would stress to my world how important it is to have a will, if only so that you can give your family some comfort at a time when they don’t need an extra burden to carry.

It’s simple. If you don’t have a will, take a piece of completely blank paper and a pen. Write on that blank piece of paper: “I leave everything I own to [x].” X, of course, being whoever you want to leave everything to. Then write, “If [x] predeceases me, I leave everything I own to [y].” Y, of course, being the next person on your list. Now sign and date the paper and put it in a place where someone would be bound to find it.

A couple of hints: write, don’t type, the statement(s) in your own handwriting and do not place any other words or symbols below your signature. You don’t even need a witness to your signature.

Now you have what is called, in law, a “holograph will”. It is valid. In fact, I distinctly remember the case I read about in wills and estates law where the farmer was out in the field and his own tractor rolled over him. As he lay dying, with no one around to help, he scratched these words into his tractor with a nail “I leave all of my property to my wife”. It was found to be a valid will and is still the legal foundation for the validity of a holograph will.

Okay, now that you have done the minimum right now, go out soon and get yourself a lawyer who will do a real Will for you. Don’t use a Grand-and-Toy kit! They don’t work!!! Executing a real Will is not all that costly, and the price you pay cuts in at least half the burdens on the ones you leave behind. Make it a promise to yourself and those you love.

For those of you who are breathing a sigh of relief saying “I do have a Will”, not so fast! Make sure you check your Will to see if it really reflects today in this moment what you would want to have happen. I read one recently for another friend, as a favour, and advised her – to her great shock and awe – that she was leaving all of her worldly possessions to a person not of her own choosing. It was possibly a drafting error of her lawyer’s, one that might have had her family shaking their heads and saying “what was she thinking?”

It happened to me. One time Jim and I were going on a vacation down south. I checked my Will and found out that, inadvertently and completely by mistake, my Will disinherited Lynn if Jim were to die before me (my Will was made before I went to law school and knew better). I immediately called up the kids and told them what I really wanted, a wish that they all said they would respect (well, actually, true to form, Corey asked for it in writing first ;-).

I now have a handwritten codicil (“codicil” means an addition to something else) that will stand as a holograph to reflect that Lynn shares equally with Corey and Kelly. If Corey disagrees, y’all heard it here.

Not a completely joyful post is this one. But I am fulfilling a promise to a friend and for me that is what joy is all about.

May you rest in peace, Frank “Nem Nem”. Judging by the love and laughter today at your memorial service, you have earned yourself a place in heaven. You leave a sister behind who loves you so much. I promise to be her friend and I hope you know that this post is evidence of how very much she means to me. If I get the chance, I will help to carry her burdens as you would do were you still with us. Rest knowing that.