Hijacking Dreams

I am somewhat comforted by the fact that January 24 is the worst day of the year. I guess I didn’t get the memo about the actual date, because my worst day was January 26. Maybe my “rhythms” were off by a couple of days. But then the article says that the peak worst day was “Monday”. January 26 was Monday; so I am left confused but delighted that maybe I did get it right after all. So, if I faced the worst day I will have this year, things can only look up from today forward.

But that’s not what I wanted to write about today. I wanted to tell you about several conversations that led me to wonder why people are hijacking our dreams.

I am teaching this year (amazing!) and my students were recounting their stories of the “worst professors”. One told me the story of the prof who walked into the first class and said “Look to your left, look to your right; by the mid-term half of you will not be here anymore.” [meaning: half of you will be failures]. Wow, what a way to motivate success! The other students told me that stories like this are quite common.

Fast forward to Sunday. I am talking to my team of students that I am coaching for the Osgoode Law School National Undergrad Moot. One is telling me about a pre-law professor who regularly terrorizes them about what it will be like to be a lawyer. Long days filled with unhappy people; billable hour pressures; partners who delight in ruining your weekend by giving you an assignment at 5:00 on Friday that is due Monday; clients who think they are the only client of the law firm and demand immediate attention no matter the issue; babysitting a photocopy machine at 2 in the morning because you are the most junior in the firm and someone has to copy that brief for tomorrow; etc. etc. And don’t even think about love or children. You won’t have time for that! It is no wonder that people in the class are feeling like failures before they even get admitted to law school. It is no wonder that most would question whether the pursuit of their goal is even worth it, well before even they take the first step.

Others are telling me that their professors say, “Don’t even think about going to graduate school. You’ll spend six years of your life only to reach 30 and not be able to get a job. And if you don’t have three major papers published, forget about even applying.”

The approach that these people take with the students reminded me of managers who think that they can motivate their staff by fear. They forget that the “fight or flight” response is supposed to only happen when one is in clear and present danger, not when one is seeking out accomplishments of their goals. They forget that you don’t motivate people to achieve their potential by telling them that they are failures. You do that by constantly reminding them that they can be the best they can be. You recognize the positive; you teach them to learn through their failures; you help them to overcome the challenges; you give them opportunities to shine; you thank them for their contributions. You seek out the best in everyone and you help them to capitalize on that best. That is your job as a leader, whether you are a manager or a professor.

A friend of mine sent me a quote that she said reminded her of me: “To not dare is to have already lost. We should seek out ambitious, even unrealistic projects…because things only happen when we dream.”

If that is true, and I believe it to be so, why do people think they have the right to highjack the dreams of others? They tell them “better not to dare”; “you lose before you begin”; “you are being unrealistic”; ergo, you will fail. Don’t begin.

I don’t believe that those who have the power of influence over others have the right to highjack their dreams. They are only coming off as very bitter themselves and I would say to them “look in the mirror; are you merely reflecting back your unhappiness on me?”

The power of that influence could be better used to say to them, “I believe in you. Because who you are could make a difference in the world. Dare to dare; follow that dream; make that difference; and I will be standing with two hands clapping in the background if I had a smidgen of influence on that. Even if I didn’t make any difference, I’d celebrate that I even knew you."

After hearing all of this, I decided that I wanted to be (continue to be) the one who delights in the positive and believes in dreaming with our eyes open.

[The cynics out there might say, “but what about those people who are filling our prison system?” To those I would say: watch my husband as he goes in and makes a difference every Monday night in the prison system by believing in the dreams of those who want to start all over again with a successful life. I am not so naive to believe that everyone is good, but there is – but a very few people – good in everyone.]

If you have time, watch this short clip: http://www.inspiringthots.net/movie/i-made-diff.php

And if ever you are in a situation where your dreams are being hijacked, please come and talk to me. I have a blue ribbon for you.

Because I believe that who you are does make a difference in my life.