Pork Chops and Applesauce

I decided I am not going to rant about my medical experience because it is not useful. After all, as Kelly would say about allowing yourself to hold on to resentment against an individual: “Why are you allowing them to live rent-free in your mind?” Having said that, if anyone knows a competent, compassionate, efficient, and preferably female doctor in the west end of Toronto who is taking on patients, I’d love to hear!


The rib(s) if not broken or hairline fractured, are severely bruised. Because I have low bone density that means that my bones are fragile. Because I have not been able to sleep since I hurt myself (fourth night running – to wit blogging at 2:30 in the morning when I am usually well into dreamland), my spirit is fragile too. This is totally unlike me and so I am living in a weird space right now.


To boot, the heavy meds I am on are supposed to make me drowsy. But after lying in bed staring at the ceiling and envying Jim and Suzie for their deep sleep, I gave up trying to count the number of green vegetables I know (about six) and got up. Seems I can’t even do side effects well this week ;-)


However, I pick myself up by learning about others who are a much worse position but who stay so completely positive.


A huge thank you today to my friend, Carol, who consulted with her nutritionist daughter about how I can get my calcium levels up to counteract the bone density loss. Although some of the advice was not palatable (quit smoking and coffee?????), it will really help a lot. Send green vegetables my way and tell me if you will drag my butt to pilates for me. And to Janine to called to ask if she could do anything, anything at all for me. And to my cousin/sister-by-the-soul, Colleen, who asked if she should book a flight from Montreal to Toronto to come and look after me. To my academic advisor who made me feel so much better about the failure I felt for having to cancel a class in my first year of teaching. And to all of the others who called or e-mailed today to offer support.



I have an academy award roster of people in my life.


But I miss my mom most of all. Why is it that at our lowest times, we need our mothers? Today when I got home from another frustrating doctor’s appointment, I said to Jim that I missed my mom so much. That right now she would make me pork chops and applesauce. Jim responds that I don’t even like pork. I told him that as a child if I were sick or injured or sad that mom would make me my most special meal – pork chops and applesauce. (Jim did the next best thing – made me Kraft Dinner!)

There are moments in your life
When you miss someone so much
That you want to pick them from your dreams
And hug them for real.

Mom, if you really are up there watching over me. Can you help me get to a place where I can fall asleep to dream of the hugs you’d be giving me right now?