I Have A Blind Date

So, my family and friends are on a campaign to get me to see and commit to a new doctor. Those of you who know me well know that the prospect of seeing a doctor for me is worse than:

1. root canal without anaestetic;
2. cleaning up the high school toilets after the big prom dance;
3. skydiving with a parachute that has a broken ripcord; or
4. dancing naked in my fifty-year old body at a body parlour.

None of which I've done of course. However...you get my drift.

In any event, in order to get my people off my back, I canvassed my network for doctors. Came up with several possibilities. As I worked down the list, I called the first doctor who seems like a possibility based on the description.

I ask the nurse "Is the doctor taking new patients?"

"Yes", says the nurse, "but only after a meet-and-greet". "

A meet-and-greet", I enquired "is like a blind date?" (My first ever blind date with a woman!).

"Yes, just to see if you like each other, if you click".

So, I have my blind date next Monday. I've made my prep list:

• Get a new outfit and maybe new shoes. Definitely new underwear in case she likes me so much that she wants to do an immediate exam.
• No drinking, or eating garlic, on Sunday.
• Early to bed so I look like a healthy patient and not one who will give her too much trouble or expect too much of her.
• I won't have a cigarette before the appointment in case she is adverse to treating a smoker.
• I'll walk tall, shoulders back, and breasts out, like my mom told me a healthy woman walks.
• I'll bring my health card in my fancy gold business card case so she knows I value my health.
• I'll bring my oversized bottle of liquid calcium and engineer it to fall out of my purse; I'll then ask her if she'd like to share a sip with me since it's blueberry flavoured. We can bond over sips from the bottle and she'll think I'm a health nut (hopefully, not just plain nuts).
• I'll skirt any stories about health issues in my family, in case she doesn't like my genetics.
• I'll feign that my favourite things to do in the whole wild world are waiting around in doctor's offices and medical clinics. I'll tell her that's the way I've met all my best friends and interesting companions.
• I'll be impressed and nod at all of her words. I'll smile alot and even laugh if she tells any jokes. I'll let her talk about herself more than me.

Do you have any other suggestions? Should I bring flowers or candy? Or is that too forward?

Okay, what if she doesn't like me?

Perhaps I'd have to go back to my network for names of psychologists in order to get over a broken heart...stay tuned!