Be Safe, Suzie

Suzie, the newest member of our family, is very ill. I rushed her to hospital this morning after she had what seemed to be a debilitating seizure. I was all alone in the house. I could feel the knife-edge of panic around my heart, as my breathing seemed to quicken on its own to meet her frantic panting.

The news was not good. The vet diagnosed her as either have a tumour on her lungs or heart or having heart failure. They wouldn’t know until they do extensive (and expensive) tests. As the vet explained the expense of the tests, I could feel her assessing whether I would say yes or no to the costs involved in finding out what was wrong with Suzie. I wasn’t thinking about the cost. I was thinking about what type of dog owner would choose not to spend their last dime, just in the hope that it would give them one more day in the sunshine of dogged devotion.

So, I readily agreed that we would do all that was necessary; without question or hesitation.

I had been crying as I was speed-driving Suzie to emergency. Please hold on, Suzie, you need to hold on. Don’t die on me here, all alone the two of us without Jim. He’s your friend. You’re his friend. His dog. Don’t go without saying goodbye to him. It would break his heart as surely as you are breaking mine right now.

The decision was made to keep Suzie in emergency until the dog cardiologist can see her in the morning. I asked the vet if there was a chance Suzie might not make it through the night. When she said yes, the tears spilled over unabashedly. I asked if Jim could come to see her, as I knew he couldn’t deal with the not-Suzie place our home would be tonight.

He came. She came to him, in less than her usual exuberant manner, but calm nevertheless. He spoke to her gently. They made love in the few minutes he got to adjust to what might be a very sick friend. We said goodbye. Jim with full body hugs and emotion-filled kisses on her nose. Me, with simply a loving pat. Any more than a loving pat would have been superstitious, driven by my dread that it might be the last time.

We’re told that she is now resting comfortably and off oxygen. We’ll know in the morning what the future will bring.

It is simply amazing to me that there may be something wrong with Suzie’s heart. Did she spend it out on her grieving over Karen and Ricky? Did she overextend herself to become our loving grace over the past year? Or is it simply the product of her age?

No matter the reason, I know we were blessed to have Suzie. If she soon has to cross the rainbow bridge, I will urge her across – to be in health with Karen on the other side.

But, if you can Suzie, please stay with us a little longer. We aren’t ready to lose you.

Be safe, special one. Cross the night the way you will. Either way, you will be loved.