My Wish for You

It is closely coming up to the end of 2009! This is the night to make New Year's resolutions of all you might want to do (or stop doing) in 2010. Studies show, however, that most resolutions last only 72 hours!

My friend Carol, who is a life and career coach, wrote a wonderful e-mail about the best question she had been asked recently at a party? What was the best thing that you do in 2009? Note, it is not the best thing that happened to you; rather the question focusses on events that you deliberately and consciously set in motion. Carol answered the question quite hastily at first and then took more time to mine the answer. Then, clarity struck. If we can think about the best thing that we did in 2009, we learn what excites us, motivates us, makes us happy, helps us to fulfill our potential. We then can translate those learnings into affirmations for the New Year, rather than transient resolutions. Assuming those "best things" favoured our lives, we recognize that more of them in 2010 will enhance our lives beyond 2009.

I have thought about the answer and even compiled a list of "best things". I then spent some time figuring out why each of those things made my year feel successful for me. With that knowledge, I can live my life in 2010 in a way that is satisfying, rewarding, and positive. More so, those events that didn't make it on the "best things" list are now history that don't need to be repeated. They are not feeding my soul or my life.

I wish you a year of best things for 2010. I have posted (and I hope the link works) My Wish for You in 2010. May it be the best.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/24661819/2010-My-Wish

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.

This quote for me amplifies what Christmas Day was like this year for me. We had a family inspiring dinner at my sister-in-law’s house, Jim’s sister Sharon. She had spent weeks preparing for the dinner and the checked-off-the-loving-to-do-list was apparent with every glance around her bright and brilliant home.

At the end of a superb meal, we all went around the table sharing what was important to us about the day. There was a common theme amongst those who cared to share. We were so grateful for family, for love, for forgiveness, for an understanding voice at the end of a phone, for knowing we were part of a family that pulls together in strife, and for the magical weave of the day called Christmas.

This year was indelibly marked by the fact that it is the first time in thirteen years that all of Sharon’s grown kids have been together for Christmas. Circumstances and geographical distance have to this point made it otherwise. I know and celebrate how very much that meant to Sharon. As I watched my own children with love, I hoped they understood that family is everything. Perhaps, I wouldn’t have to spend a baker’s dozen years with the same yearning, if only they understood.

I am indubitably the weirdest person at the Christmas table. For I felt Terry’s presence. Terry was Sharon’s husband and the father of the three “children” gathered around their mother this Christmas. Although Terry was the consummate jokester, he had a soft and warm heart for those he loved. He would never see someone without, and he had a firm and abiding belief in family. He died too young; leaving a woman who wasn’t finished loving him and children who still need him now.

Of course, he didn’t have a choice over leaving. And that is why he was watching over the table and wishing he were there to carve the turkey, tell a joke, make us laugh, let us know that our enjoyment was the goal of his time on this earth. I remembered that, late at night, after all the jokes were done, Terry would tell us he loved us and we would treasure his embrace because of all that came before. However he played it, his always-goal was to make someone happy.

And so I felt a presence in my day yesterday. I felt Terry’s presence. Terry being happy that his son is reclaiming his life and being part of his Mom’s life once again. Terry being happy that his eldest daughter is reclaiming her independence and making a wonderful and sustainable life for the grandchildren he will never see grow old. Terry being happy that his baby is learning and actively celebrating the enduring value and gift of family. Terry finally knowing that his gifts to this world – a loving and supporting family – have been passed along to his children, and then to their children, and then to theirs.

As for Sharon, she was the love of Terry’s life. Perhaps he left us so that she could have that piece of pie? May her children in 2010 honour his legacy of love and sharing and generosity of spirit. They showed me last night their capacity to do so. Pass your Mom a piece of that pie.

The Greatest Proofreader

I was completely stressed out today because I am trying to finish my 30 page page for my masters' course. It's a good stress; although I lie awake at night, it's only because I'm rolling around possible ideas and thoughts in my mind. It's not like worrying about paying the bills, or fulfilling an endless list of to-do items, or whether or not I'm going to lose my job, or worrying about whether my kids will grow up to be successful. Been there, done that.

This kind of stress can be motivating and affirming, pushing you forward to new heights. Proving that you can take that giant leap. Wanting to accomplish something you hadn't ever dreamed would be yours. Nevertheless, it causes sleepless nights.

I am writing about a topic totally foreign to law. About how lawyers need to recognize emotions in order to help their clients deal with emotionally distressing legal situations. And about how lawyers personnally need to reconnect with their emotional side, or risk losing themselves.

Along the way I had read a wonderful story. It is about left brain and right brain thinking. Left brain thinking is all about logic, reasoning, passionatelessness, impartiality, neutrality (vanilla-type words, except to those who live in a vanilla-obsessed world like law is). Right brain thinking is all about creativity, passion, art, empathy, intuition, connectness (chocolate; so totally not like law).

As I have said before, I felt like I was swimming against the tide in law school. And then, I got a glimpse of the obvious through this story. The author says that law school for him was an experience where his left brain circled around his right brain -- cue ominous music -- and ate it. Ah ha. That was me! Law school ate half my brain!!

And so I will try to reclaim my right brain through my masters program. Once again, I may be swimming against the stream since most of my professors and colleagues are probably left-brain oriented (a researched fact that most people who stay with the law are left-brain thinkers). Here I go again. But this time, it will be about me and what I want to say. I have never been shy to say what I think needs to be said, and I won't be now. If I can add to the conversation, even if they don't agree with me, I will be richer. If one bit of my "insight" lands with my left-brain colleagues, their clients will be better for it.

But this story is not about me. It is about my wonderful husband. Jim has read a total of one book in his fifty odd years since he left school. Today, however, he agreed to diligently and dutifully read my paper, worrying that he wouldn't be able to understand it, as I handed him the pen to mark up the spelling and grammar mistakes. An hour later, he reappeared - triumphant with a few markings and one incredibly insightful (right-brain) suggestion about content. Mission accomplished.

The neat part is -- he wants to read the next, unwritten chapter of the book that might be. This may turn out to be the second book of his adult life that he would actually read. My husband; my devoted reader; my favorite fan.

Nothing matters today than that. My right brain rejoices. Had I used logic and reason thirty-two years ago, I would never have been blessed with this greatest love. Passion and intuition whispered to me, despite all reason, when I fell in love with Jim. It promised a forever. I am grateful tonight that my right brain saw the possibilities in all that I would have with Jim. Love and passion lives in the right brain. And so, it is Jim.

The Gift of Time

The kids and I have been trading messages about Christmas and what to do about buying gifts for each other this year. At a time when the kids are experiencing financial and time pressures, I have suggested that we skip the whole exercise this year in favour of spending quality time with each other. As I write this, two out of three have responded with their own affirmations. The third is no doubt jumping with joy and can’t settle down yet to respond in writing…

Now that the kids have grown and they are no longer a part of my daily life and the life of the family that is the Glovers, I feel that the greatest gift that my children can give me is their time. It is life in reverse; I have always believed that the greatest gift I can give my children, beyond unconditional love, is my time.

And, as if life is sent to remind you of the importance of family ties, we just received a visit from our young neighbour, Jonathon. His dad, Les, passed away early in the morning on Thursday. Les has been our neighbour for decades and was a constant in our little corner of the world. He was a taxi driver by profession and a big man in stature and personality.

Jonathon said that his dad died in his arms. It tore my heart in two to see this big, six feet + tall young man whisper through his tears as he delivered us the sorrowful message about the biggest man in his life.

Les and I always waved enthusiastically to each other when I would pass by in the car and he was outside. The last time we actually spoke was when he drove us in his taxi to the airport when Jim and I went to Vegas a few months ago. He told me on the ride to the airport that he wanted to take life easier and travel with his wife, like Jim and I were doing.

Now he won't get the chance.

While we wonder and worry about commercial gift-giving at Christmas, I am blindsided by the fact that Jonathon has had one of the greatest gifts in his life taken away just before Christmas.

His dad.

There is no doubt seeing him today that he would willingly relinquish every single gift he has received under each and every Christmas tree of his life -- just to have his dad back again.

Kelly sent us a quote in our back and forth messages:

"The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other."

I plan to be wrapped around Jim and the children this Christmas. Along the way, I will send a special prayer of gratitude for Les and the enduring power of his unintentional final message to me.

Be a Great Neighbour. Live Life. Travel. But most of all...Love those around you like there is no tomorrow. Wrap yourself in the gift of love that you wake up to each morning. Travel with them, and constantly remind them of your love, because some day they might travel alone.

Safe Journey, Les.