Not Your Average Lawyer

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.

This quote for me amplifies what Christmas Day was like this year for me. We had a family inspiring dinner at my sister-in-law’s house, Jim’s sister Sharon. She had spent weeks preparing for the dinner and the checked-off-the-loving-to-do-list was apparent with every glance around her bright and brilliant home.

At the end of a superb meal, we all went around the table sharing what was important to us about the day. There was a common theme amongst those who cared to share. We were so grateful for family, for love, for forgiveness, for an understanding voice at the end of a phone, for knowing we were part of a family that pulls together in strife, and for the magical weave of the day called Christmas.

This year was indelibly marked by the fact that it is the first time in thirteen years that all of Sharon’s grown kids have been together for Christmas. Circumstances and geographical distance have to this point made it otherwise. I know and celebrate how very much that meant to Sharon. As I watched my own children with love, I hoped they understood that family is everything. Perhaps, I wouldn’t have to spend a baker’s dozen years with the same yearning, if only they understood.

I am indubitably the weirdest person at the Christmas table. For I felt Terry’s presence. Terry was Sharon’s husband and the father of the three “children” gathered around their mother this Christmas. Although Terry was the consummate jokester, he had a soft and warm heart for those he loved. He would never see someone without, and he had a firm and abiding belief in family. He died too young; leaving a woman who wasn’t finished loving him and children who still need him now.

Of course, he didn’t have a choice over leaving. And that is why he was watching over the table and wishing he were there to carve the turkey, tell a joke, make us laugh, let us know that our enjoyment was the goal of his time on this earth. I remembered that, late at night, after all the jokes were done, Terry would tell us he loved us and we would treasure his embrace because of all that came before. However he played it, his always-goal was to make someone happy.

And so I felt a presence in my day yesterday. I felt Terry’s presence. Terry being happy that his son is reclaiming his life and being part of his Mom’s life once again. Terry being happy that his eldest daughter is reclaiming her independence and making a wonderful and sustainable life for the grandchildren he will never see grow old. Terry being happy that his baby is learning and actively celebrating the enduring value and gift of family. Terry finally knowing that his gifts to this world – a loving and supporting family – have been passed along to his children, and then to their children, and then to theirs.

As for Sharon, she was the love of Terry’s life. Perhaps he left us so that she could have that piece of pie? May her children in 2010 honour his legacy of love and sharing and generosity of spirit. They showed me last night their capacity to do so. Pass your Mom a piece of that pie.