Rub your Cheek for Forgiveness

It is always striking to me when I am learning something new and then have an unexpected event occur that demonstrates the power of what I am learning. As part of my Masters in Law, I am learning all about the brain and it how processes rational thought and emotion. I read the other day how children do not really develop their full rational ability to reason (left brain) until somewhere around the age of five; most of the time they deal with everyday life using their emotional lens (right brain). Ask any mother of a two year old and she’ll tell you that, without having studied brain science.

The example struck home yesterday. We had a family dinner where Lynn brought her dog, Gatsby, with her and Molly met Gatsby. By any stretch of the imagination, it did not go well. They ended up being in a dogfight with each other and, had it continued, Gatsby would have been on the losing end.

Rather than allowing that to happen, we put Molly in her crate in the kitchen. At one point, Ayden heard Molly whimpering. He said, “Listen, Molly crying”. “Gamma (that’s me), come see”. I took Ayden to the crate and told him that Molly was in there because she had been fighting with Gatsby. Molly was having a “time out”.

Ayden understands “time outs” because he gets them if he does something bad. In order to get out of a time out, Natasha insists that Ayden say he is sorry. Ayden has a habit of softly stroking his cheek at the same time he is saying “I sorry, Mommy”. Indeed, before he could really talk, his way of saying sorry was to stroke his own cheek.

So he started talking gently to Molly through the bars of the crate and was saying "Say 'sorry' Molly" and trying to show her how to rub a cheek. He seemed to believe that Molly wasn't coming out of the crate because she wasn't performing the "stroke cheek" trick. He kept trying to teach it to her through the bars.

When Gatsby left, I told Ayden that all Molly had to do now to get out of the crate was “sit” (at this point she was standing) instead of stroking her cheek and she could get out of the time out. Of course, Molly did the sit on command and Ayden was delighted to release the lock on the pen! Molly immediately scooted past Ayden and found Jim's lap and affection. Ayden was comforted that Molly was again happy.

Empathy is an emotion that comes out of right brain thinking. What a delight to see a little human being practicing empathy with a four-legged friend. Would that we all were like that!

It was once said: “In early childhood you may lay the foundation of poverty or riches, industry or idleness, good or evil, by the habits to which you train your children. Teach them right habits then, and their future life is safe.”

From his two-year old foundation, Ayden is making the world – and one little Australian Cattle Dog – happier, with compassion and forgiveness.